"How Come Nobody's Buying These Jerseys?!!"

Call your parents. Both of them. Right now.

Be sure to let them know that you're sorry for everything you've ever done, and that you just want to thank them for not naming you anything even close to "Lucious Pusey." That's right, the Eastern Illinois Panthers have a player with that name - a football player, no less. Oy vey.

The story has gotten a lot of coverage on loads of sports blogs recently, including Deadspin and The Realests because Mr. Pusey has allegedly changed his name to "Lucius Seymour." Oh, and also because of the e-mails he's been sending in, including this one to the editors of Deadspin:

ooo so yall mother fuckers dont have shit else to say bout me huh... damn you know the funny thing is that mother fuckers like yall wont have the balls and say it to my face.. when i make it to the league i willshoot a middle finger at yall and say fuck all my haters.. i am the realest, and my name is Lucius Seymour get it right!!

I kind of feel sorry for the guy. What were his parents thinking?! Why did it take him so long to legally change his name?! And why is The Smoking Gun posting his name change application with all of his personal info - that's not cool at all...

Changing the subject (kind of), here's a great compilation of the worst names in sports, courtesy of "Rich Kotite Banged Your Mom."